Adhesive Bathtub Ducks
by Soccer-Geek
Summary: After Lettuce has an accident, Pie comes to her rescue in more ways than one. Kind of a mix of friendship and budding romance.


**P/L one-shot more or less inspired by a Big Bang Theory episode. Has absolutely no ties to any of my other stories. I own nothing.**

Adhesive Bathtub Ducks

Pie was reaching for his pen to write down the results of his experiment when he heard the sound of a wet thud and a scream of pain. He quickly got to his feet to investigate.

It was after closing-time at Café Mew Mew. Pie knew he wasn't alone in the building, having heard the shower going two floors up (the downside to working in the basement was having to constantly hear the water-heater), but had assumed it was either Ryou or Keiichiro. However, the scream he heard was definitely female and, as he reached the top of the stairs leading to the kitchen, heard the same girl's voice crying out,

"Help! Anyone, help!"

Pie moved faster up the second flight of stairs, listening closely. Between the water and the pain in her voice, Pie couldn't tell which one of the waitresses it was who was in distress. He went towards the bathroom and knocked.

"May I enter?" He asked through the door.

"Pie-San?" Came the squeak of a response. Now Pie recognized the voice. Lettuce. He frowned as his brow furrowed. She hadn't come down to say good-bye to him like she usually did, but he assumed she had gone home. What was she still doing here, and what had happened that made her cry out for help?

"Lettuce-San, may I enter?" Pie asked again.

"Y-Yes," Was Lettuce's response, sounding a bit embarrassed. Pie opened the door cautiously, getting hit by a wave of steam. His indigo eyes surveyed the room, quickly finding Lettuce's wet, green hair and blue towel in the corner of the shower. Lettuce had evidently grabbed the towel to cover herself, but was apparently unable to get up or turn off the shower. He also noticed her glasses were out of reach, and that she was clutching her left elbow. And there was definitely something wrong with her arm.

The first thing Pie did was turn off the water, noticing how quickly Lettuce's towel was getting wet. As he did so, he asked,

"What happened?"

"I… I slipped," Lettuce said, face red and eyes full of tears of both humiliation and pain. "My arm really hurts…"

"Let me see," Pie said, crouching beside the tub. "Where exactly does it hurt?"

"My upper arm, towards the shoulder," Lettuce said, moving her own hand so Pie could carefully run his dry fingers over her wet skin, which made her only turn darker. She let out a small scream as Pie touched her shoulder.

"Dislocated," Pie said simply, lips pressing together. "You need a Healer to put it back into socket."

Lettuce let out a small whimper at that, but didn't argue.

"Can you help me up?" She asked.

"Of course," Pie said. "But I think it would be better if we got you a different towel."

With a promise that he would be right back, Pie stepped out of the bathroom, grabbing a towel out of the linen closet. He handed it to Lettuce, who loosely wrapped it around herself before Pie pulled away the wet towel, tossing it to the side of the tub. Once Lettuce had the towel around herself in a way that she was sure that it would stay secure, clutching on with the hand of her dislocated shoulder.

"Are these your clothes?" Pie asked, gesturing to a bundle of cloth that was resting on the counter opposite the shower.

"Yes," Lettuce said. "Oh, my glasses, they should be there too."

"Here," Pie said, picking them up from the counter and putting them on Lettuce. "Go into Shirogane's room across the hall and finish drying off. I will bring your clothes to you."

"I won't be able to get my shirt on," Lettuce said worriedly.

"I will help you, then I will take you to the hospital," Pie said.

Lettuce nodded and carefully left the bathroom, leaving a trail of wet footprints. Pie had to admit he was impressed. Though her eyes were certainly teary and she looked like she would sob at any second, she had yet to do so and for the most part calm. He was certain the pre-Mew Lettuce, the one he had never met, would not have acted the same. In the three years since he and his brothers had alternately lived on Earth and their own planet, Pie found that his assumptions of shy, quiet and gentle Lettuce were usually wrong when it came to emergency situations like this. And definitely in battle scenarios, where he was especially dismayed by how fierce she could be and with an accuracy with her weapon that he knew for certain could be lethal. This information was gleamed from the injuries he had gotten just as "shrapnel" from a Ribbon Lettuce Rush as well as watching Chimeras fall.

Pie followed the trail of water that Lettuce left in her wake and found her sitting on Shirogane's bed. Usually, Pie wouldn't dream of invading the privacy of another. Being the oldest of eight children, he knew exactly how precious personal space was. But now it was an emergency so Pie didn't mind invading someone else's space in order to handle the situation. Besides, he didn't really care if Ryou got upset about it later.

When the three Ikisatashi boys—along with Pie's twin sister, Rindou—had arrived two years previously with Pie needing a place for research and experimenting in order to bring their planet back to full glory and to take care of the multitude of physical problems that had plagued their people after generations of malnutrition and a rigorous military society. Keiichiro had offered the basement lab of Café Mew Mew to him with open arms, though apologized profusely for there not being enough rooms for them to live there as well, offering to help the four siblings locate a nearby apartment. Ryou had glowered but finally conceded to sharing his lab.

Pie didn't like Ryou, and the sentiment was returned. Lettuce once commented it was because they were so much alike that they didn't get along. Ichigo had snidely added that they both had an alpha male complex. Pie argued that they could, indeed, "get along", as they often worked on experiments together. However, they could only do this on a professional level. On a personal level it was, well, personal. Pie couldn't blame Ryou for holding a lot of grudges and at times being suspicious—especially after some of the things Pie and his brothers had done during the war against the Mews—but Pie honestly could not figure out what he didn't like about Ryou Shirogane. Simply, he just disliked the human. Perhaps it was, like Kish insisted, "nerd-pride", both constantly struggling to assert intellectual dominance over the other, the numbers of their IQs clashing more than anything else.

Whatever it was, though, Pie wasn't rushing to resolve the issue. But, to both males' irritation, Lettuce was constantly trying to lessen the animosity between the two, and no one was sure why.

"You said you would require assistance with your shirt, but will you need help with the other clothes?" Pie asked Lettuce as he entered the room.

"No," Lettuce said. "I don't think so. I have a skirt there so that can be easily put on with one hand."

Pie nodded and set down the bundle of clothes on the bed beside Lettuce, starting to unbundle them so that Lettuce could grab what she needed easier. However, this apparently did not sit well with Lettuce.

"P-Pie-San, please don't!" She begged.

"What is wrong?" Pie asked, not sure what had upset her.

"Don't set out my clothes!" Lettuce said, her face turning darker and darker. Pie wasn't sure that was a good thing. She did that a lot, though. Perhaps she should mention that to the Healer who set her shoulder… "My… My undergarments are wrapped up in there and—"

"You are aware that I have five sisters, correct?" Pie said. "One of which being my twin, who has no ounce of modesty when it comes to changing outfits around me."

"That is not my point," Lettuce said, still blushing. "There is a big difference between Rin-San, your sister, and me, your friend. Now, please stop messing with that and turn around so I can get half-way dressed."

Pie dropped the pieces of cloth in his hand and obliged. Perhaps it was because he was not a female, but he really did not understand what the big deal was.

While waiting to be told he could turn around again, Pie asked,

"Why were you taking a shower here, Lettuce-San?"

"Oh, well, um," Lettuce said awkwardly. "I… I kind of have a date tonight and didn't have time to go home after work to shower and change clothes."

Pie's brow furrowed. He was unaware that Lettuce was seeing anyone. Granted, he rarely discussed anyone's private life with anyone. But Lettuce was the one he spoke with the most when he was at Café Mew Mew, and he would have figured she'd have mentioned this.

"May I ask who it is you are seeing?" Pie asked.

"You don't know him," Lettuce said quickly. Pie noticed there was an edge in her voice. Not defensive, but still trying to get away from the topic.

"From the tone of your voice, that does not seem to be true," Pie commented. He thought for a moment. She had always seemed to like Shirogane… Was that why she hadn't said anything? "Is it Shirogane?"

"What? No. No no no… I guess you haven't heard, he and Zakuro-San are dating."

"As of when?"

"As of about five months ago."

Maybe he should listen to the Mews gossip more. If nothing else, to stay in the loop so he didn't get surprises like this.

"Then who is it?" Pie asked.

Lettuce hesitated.

"It's Kiyotake-San," She said at last.

Now _that_ was gossip he did actually listen to.

"The same male who comes in and heckles you every week to date him while clearly ogling your breasts and hips? And at the same time completely disrespects the rest of the staff?"

"Yeah…" Lettuce said. "I thought that maybe if I just went on one date, he'd leave me alone."

"Lettuce, you are an incredibly smart young woman who should know that mindset is not only unrealistically optimistic and only going to worsen the situation."

"What other choice did I have? He wouldn't leave me alone no matter what I said and we can't just kick him out, and I know Ichigo really wants to."

"You should not have given in. Not only is it going to escalate his behavior, but now you are in a bad position, one that is in all likelihood dangerous for you."

Lettuce didn't respond to that, but quietly said,

"Can you help me get my shirt on now? With your eyes closed?"

"I can, but I honestly think that if there were a time to disregard modesty, a medical emergency like this one would suffice."

"I'm sorry that you had to come away from your work to help me," Lettuce said as she handed Pie her shirt, his eyes closed as per Lettuce's request.

"It is just lucky that, unlike everyone else evidentially, I was here to help you," Pie said, arranging the shirt in his hands. "It will be easiest to put your injured arm in the sleeve first. I am going to grab your arm and guide it in, but as I cannot see I may need your guidance. And to obviously tell me if you are in pain."

"Okay," Lettuce said. Pie reached out to grab her arm and instantly Lettuce turned red. "Pie-San!"

"Yes?"

"T-That's… not my arm…"

Pie instantly retracted his hand as he realized what exactly it was that he had grabbed instead, feeling a dark blush seep over his entire face and ears.

"I apologize," He said as calmly as he could. Neither spoke another word as Pie helped her put on the shirt, waiting until Lettuce told him quietly that he could open his eyes. He helped her keep her balance as she slipped on her shoes and then Pie teleported them both to the nearby hospital. Pie led Lettuce over to a chair, then went to sign in with the receptionist.

As he sat down beside her, clipboard and pen in hand, Pie said,

"I did not even ask, was there anyone we should call to meet you here?"

"No," Lettuce said, shaking her head. "My parents are out of town. Dad had to go on a business trip and Mom went with them since it's their anniversary this week, so my brother is staying at a friend's house."

"One of the Mews, then?" Pie asked.

"Pudding-San's already at home with her siblings, Mint-San is at ballet, Zakuro-San had a meeting with her manager and some other people, Berry-San has a big test she's studying for."

"And Ichigo?"

"Aoyama-San is in town," Lettuce said. "He's only here for the week, and even though he got in yesterday this is really Ichigo-San's first time to see him in a long time. Plus they both have places to be and things to do this week, so I want to make sure they get their time together."

"Pie commented knew, of course, that Ichigo would drop all her plans with Aoyama and drag him with her to Lettuce's side, but he also knew that Lettuce wouldn't like it if he did call her.

"Then, it would be for the best if I stayed with you, if you do not mind." Pie said.

"Oh, no, I don't mind, thank you, but surely you've got a lot of other things that are more worth your time doing than sitting around here with me." Lettuce said.

He did. But instead he responded,

"No. I was actually about done with my work for the day anyways. And, depending on the amount and strength of any medication you are given as well as the Healer's instructions, you may need to spend the night at my apartment."

"I would, too, just because I don't know how I'm going to react to pain medication. I've never had it before so it would be dangerous if I was home alone."

Pie didn't voice his surprise that Lettuce had never been given any sort of pain medication. He would have assumed that given her consistent state of clumsiness that this would not be her first nor last visit to the Emergency Room. What he did say was,

"My thoughts exactly."

Pie then turned his attention to the clipboard in his hand.

"The receptionist said that this needs to be filled out before you can be seen," He explained. "I will write."

"Pie-San, they might actually want to read what's written," Lettuce said with a small, shy smile, knowing full well how hard it was to read Pie's notoriously sloppy handwriting.

"They are doctors, and I am told they will be able to completely comprehend my handwriting," Pie retorted. Still, he tried his best to write out the kanji of Lettuce's name as clearly as possible. "Blood type?"

"B."

"Height?"

"One hundred sixty-five centimeters."

"Weight?"

"Sixty-one kilograms."

Pie barely noticed that this answer was given at a much softer pitch than the others as he continued to read the questions,

"Last menstrual cycle?"

"I am not giving that answer."

"Why not?" Pie asked, turning to look at Lettuce and her red cheeks. Really, she did have to get that examined. He'd add that in at the bottom where it asked to describe the reason for visiting the emergency room. "The Healers would not ask for the information if there was not a valid reason."

"Okay, then I'm not giving that answer out-loud." Lettuce said.

"Is this another Earth taboo I am culturally unaware of?"

"Pie-San, just give me the clipboard," Lettuce said. "I'll just finish it…"

Pie handed both pen and clipboard to her, watching as she dealt with the pain in her arm while trying to balance the clipboard on her knees. Finally, she was done with it and Pie took the clipboard back to the receptionist. As he sat down beside her, Pie noticed that she seemed to be refusing to look at him. He knew he had unknowingly upset her somehow, and decided that he should fix that with conversation.

"Falls in the shower are extremely dangerous," Pie said. "In fact, it is said that the bathroom is the second most dangerous room in the home for that reason."

"Yeah," Lettuce mumbled. "I figured that out."

Perhaps that wasn't the best conversation starter.

"We have adhesive stickers on the floor of the bathtub at my apartment to prevent falls like that," Pie said. "They are bright yellow and shaped like ducks."

"Ducks?" Lettuce repeated, turning to look at him in confusion.

"It is apparently what happens when you send Kisshu out to shop for décor for a bathroom and your only criteria is that it has to be cheap," Pie explained. "Rin loves them, so we could not return them, even if Kisshu had not lost the receipt. But everything in the bathroom is ducks, not just the adhesive stickers for the bathtub. The shower curtain, the towels, the mat on the floor, the wastebasket. Kisshu even managed to find a toothbrush holder in the shape of a duck."

"Ducks," Lettuce said, giggling some now.

"It is ridiculous," Pie said. "Everywhere, ducks. No one should have to wake up at the behest of a loud clock and then force themselves to get a shower in a room covered with bright yellow waterfowl. And to make everything worse, Rin has decided to collect rubber ducks for the room and has them in all sorts of colors and patterns. She then lines them all up on the countertop and wherever else she can find a place for them. And if you so much as accidentally touch one she is on you before you can blink. And Keiichiro does not help at all, he buys them all the time for her. I promise you, Lettuce, when the day comes that I am confined for insanity, it will be because of those ducks."

By now, Lettuce was laughing hard, but trying desperately to not laugh out-loud to disturb the other people in the waiting room, so she had her good hand clamped over her mouth and shook, her eyes closed but tears streaming down her cheeks. The tears were a mixture of laughter and pain, as containing her laughter made her shoulder ache more.

Pie glanced over at her and felt his eyes widen. She was crying. Now he had really upset her. He knew that he was not good in many social circumstances, and dismal with emotions and the feelings of others, but he did not have a clue what he had done now. And the tears… he especially wasn't good with tears… He had no idea how to make them stop.

"Lettuce, I am sorry, please stop crying." Pie begged quietly. "I did not intend to upset you."

"I'm not upset," Lettuce said, wiping away her tears. "You just made me laugh a little too hard."

He made someone laugh hard enough to cry? Now he _really_ did not know what he had done. For a certified, off-the-charts genius, he was feeling pretty stupid in that moment.

Fortunately, before he could stumble around with any more words, a nurse called for Lettuce. She let Pie help her to her feet and they walked to the back room. The nurse saw Lettuce's teary eyes and starting asking a lot of panicked questions. How bad was her pain? Did she need a wheelchair?

"No, no I'm fine," Lettuce said, blushing slightly. "I just, well, I just was laughing too hard at something my friend said."

The nurse got Lettuce settled in a room, asked some more detailed questions about the accident and said that the doctor was going to need X-Rays done as well as an exam of the injury. The nurse did say that they didn't want Lettuce to walk down to the radiology department and went to fetch a wheelchair for her. When she left, Lettuce said to Pie,

"Thank you."

"For what?" Pie asked, arching an eyebrow from where he sat in the corner.

"For helping me out of the shower and getting me here and making me laugh," Lettuce said, giving him a smile. "And, I guess, just thanks for coming to my rescue."

Pie shrugged and responded,

"You do not have to thank me for that."

"Still. Thanks."

The nurse reentered the room, wheelchair in tow. The nurse and Pie helped Lettuce into the chair as the notification tone came from Lettuce's phone inside her purse.

"That needs to be turned off," The nurse said. "It interferes with the equipment."

"It's not passcode protected, could you turn it off for me, Pie?" Lettuce asked.

"Certainly," Pie said with a nod. Though when she got back he would have to tell her about the importance of protecting personal information especially in regards to technology. She really would benefit greatly from a passcode.

The door of the exam room closed and Pie opened Lettuce's small bag to pull out the cellphone. He saw that there was a message from a number that didn't have a name attached.

Pie frowned and put his finger on the button that led to the inbox. He saw his name amongst the other Mews' names, the girls' names with the addition of stars, hearts and other girly things that Pie didn't know Lettuce took part in. Perhaps Ichigo had a hand in that…

He glanced at the new, unread message. He opened it and his frown deepened.

**Where r u?**

It was the boy, Kiyotake. The obnoxious, vulgar boy who had tormented Lettuce until she agreed to go out with him.

And didn't know where she was.

Pie pocketed Lettuce's phone and stepped out of the room, briefly stopping to ask if he would be let back in after making a call, to which the receptionist responded that he would be. With that, he stepped outside and brought up the number again, this time calling the number. It rang, and then he was instantly 'greeted' with an irritated male's voice saying,

"I've been waiting for fifteen minutes, Lettuce. Where the hell are you?"

Pie frowned. That was the first strike.

"First, that is not a proper way to answer a phone." He said. "Second, she is Midorikawa-San to you. Do not call her by her first name without an honorific unless she has specifically said otherwise. Third, there is no need to be vulgar for any reason."

"Who the hell are you?" The male on the other line demanded. "Where's Lettuce?"

"To answer your first question, I am one of Midorikawa-San's coworkers at Café Mew Mew."

"Are you the weirdo who doesn't talk, like, at all? The freaky emotionless giant?"

Pie felt his eyes narrow. Second strike.

"Yes. And to answer your second question, Midorikawa-San will not be meeting with you tonight. She is currently in the emergency room."

"That's no excuse. I've been waiting for this night for a very long time. I'll come by and pick her up after she's done there."

The only reason why the phone wasn't broken in Pie's hand was because he reminded himself that it was Lettuce's.

Third strike.

Pie was certainly no expert in the human sport of baseball, but he knew enough to know that Kiyotake was definitely out.

"You are scum." He snarled into the phone. "Midorikawa-San is injured. You have not even asked what happened, or how badly she is hurt. In all honesty, I am glad that she is injured at the moment. I would rather her be seen by a doctor for a minor injury than whatever fate she would have with you at this very moment. You are not worth her time, nor that of any female. You are a nuisance and a despicable human being who does not deserve Midorikawa-San or anyone else. From now on, you are forbidden to call or send a textual message to this number again, as well as barred from entry to the premises of Café Mew Mew. You will not seek out Midorikawa-San, or any other girl from Café Mew Mew."

"You're a lot of talk over a cellphone," Kiyotake said, sounding smug. "Is this the most you've ever talked to someone? I bet you couldn't even face me like a man. You can't stop me from doing anything."

_Do you want to bet?_

"Where are you now, Kiyotake?" Pie asked. Still sounding smug, Kiyotake gave the location, which was outside the entrance to the park that Café Mew Mew was located in.

_Foolish human._

Pie relished in the fear in Kiyotake's eyes as Pie said,

"Turn around."

Hanging up the phone with one hand, Pie wrapped the other around Kiyotake's throat.

"My words are law to you now." Pie sneered, lifting the boy so that Pie was staring right into his eyes. "If I had it my way, you would be dead. But I see that neither of us will get what was want."

Pie threw Kiyotake against the gate, the boy hitting the ground and scrambling to his feet, staring at Pie with wide, terrified eyes.

"Go. Now," Pie commanded. "And if I find that you have mistreated any woman like you have mistreated Midorikawa-San, rest assured that I will do things the way I want."

Kiyotake was gone in a moment. And so was Pie as he teleported to calmly walk back into the emergency room, remembering to pause and turn off Lettuce's cellphone.

He reentered the exam room just as Lettuce was getting back from getting her shoulder X-Rayed.

As the nurse left the room, saying that the doctor would be in shortly, Lettuce studied Pie.

"Was there some sort of problem, Pie-San?" She asked.

"None at all. Why do you ask?" Pie said. Maybe she was delusional from pain, but there was something in his voice that said that he was faking innocence.

She didn't push it.

"Never mind." She said.

**_()()()()()()()()()()()()()()()_**

Getting Lettuce to his apartment was easier said than done. Pie quickly discovered what pain medicine did to Lettuce, and that was make her extremely giggly. And to some extent flirty. As she babbled he wondered just how much of her words he should repeat to her when she was fully coherent once more.

"What happened to Lettuce?" Tart asked as he looked up from his homework, brow furrowing as Pie led the dazed porpoise Mew into the apartment.

"She fell and dislocated her shoulder," Pie explained.

"Oh no," Rin gasped as she got out of Keiichiro's arms to come over to Pie and Lettuce. "Are you okay, Lettuce-Chan?"

"I'm great!" Lettuce said, throwing her good arm wide, smacking Pie in the face as she did so. "I can't feel a thing! Watch!" Lettuce then pinched the skin at the back of her bad hand with the fingers of her good one. She then looked up at Rin with big eyes. "Nothing!"

"So I assume this means you took her to a doctor," Keiichiro said to Pie.

"Yes, who gave her some very strong doses of pain medication before setting her shoulder," Pie said. "Rin, Keiichiro, will you find something for Lettuce-San to eat? I am going to put some things away in my room and prepare the bed for her to sleep there tonight."

"And where exactly are _you_ going to be sleeping tonight, Pie-Chan, hmm?" Kish asked with a mischievous smirk as he came out of his room.

"On the couch," Pie responded.

"Pie, you can take my bed," Rin offered. "I can sleep on the couch."

"You can sleep with me," Lettuce said with what they all interpreted as what was supposed to be a flirty smile as Lettuce wrapped her arm around Pie's. "I'd like that a whole lot… You're all muscly but you also look so… cuddly…"

Kish and Tart laughed as Pie tried to process this.

"Well, Pie, you can't turn that request down, now can you?" Kish said, wrapping his arms around his stomach.

"The sleeping situation does not have to be determined now." Pie said simply.

"But something should be done with Lettuce's hair," Rin said, trying to change the subject. "I can see some knots that need to be brushed out, and it needs to be dried completely before she gets sick. Come on, Lettuce."

"'Kay…" Lettuce said, allowing Rin to pull her away towards the bathroom.

"So, judging by her wet hair, she slipped in the shower?" Keiichiro asked Pie. Before he could respond, they heard a shriek of laughter as Rin opened the bathroom door. Lettuce was almost on the floor, laughing very hard, tears streaming down her face.

"Ducks," Was all she could say in between laughs.

When Rin, Kish, Tart and Keiichiro turned to Pie looking for an explanation, all he could do was shrug and say,

"Ducks."

The rest of the evening passed relatively uneventfully, other than Pie allowed himself to be goaded into sleeping in his own bed beside Lettuce who laid curled up against him as he sat in bed and read for a while. All of a sudden, though, he glanced down as he heard her giggle in her sleep.

"Ducks," She said, grinning.

Pie gave a small smile, smoothing her hair with his hand.

"Ducks." He said in agreement.


End file.
